What do I do? I like my job, as long as my boss stays out of my business. As soon as she comes into my office, or gives me assignments to do she looks down on you, criticizes and micro manages everything. Don’t get me started on group meetings. She says she stands for respect, but she interrupts, says the meanest things, scolds people in front of everyone and quizzes professional people for what they learned after a two and a half hour meeting. I am discouraged. I don’t want to go to any more meetings. I have to be there. I have to give a report each meeting. What do I do?
Whether it has been the chaotic change in my life and schedule, or that I just needed to move on, I have done just that. I closed the book on my season of abuse and I don’t look back. I guess busyness can be a good thing. Now I just struggle to get through the daily challenges of work, feeding my family, doing the bills and the wash and the homework. It is an exhausting responsibility (the new season in my life).
My three books are neatly hidden away. Sigh. I feel that there is no purpose for them except that they helped me through my darkest days. I know that God cares about my feelings and he let me heal though what I like to do, write. I have to catch myself from putting myself down. I feel that the reason I never got them published was because they weren’t any good anyway. I had many people tell me they were well written, yet I have a problem of only remembering the negative comments. The last woman I gave my personal story to told me that I needed to go to a counselor because I needed help. She told me to leave my husband and that my book only showed that I was trying to manipulate him to change. Maybe she is right.
My Mom says that God never wanted me to publish books on abuse because if Charlie knew he’d leave me. Maybe somewhere down the road I will have time to write a normal book and then God will help me publish that one. I am proud that I accomplished three books, even though I can’t do anything with them.
I am busy living my present right now, and that is all I can handle.
I am now working at the same college that I graduated from over 20 years ago. There is so many memories there, each day I love to remember. One reoccurring memory I have almost everyday is of me walking to my car and seeing a note on my windshield.
I was dating a guy at the time and he would leave notes on my car each time he walked past my car to and from class and the boys dorm. He called me his sunshine and each note was uplifting. I would run to my car after each class in hopes that I got another note. I loved these little encouragements through out my day.
Today I find myself hoping that one of his notes are on the window. It is a split second thought. Then I remember he’s dead. Him and I had parted ways. He got married and had a little girl. On a trip where his wife was driving the car, he took off his seatbelt to reach something his crying daughter had dropped from her car seat. In that instant the car hit black ice and there was a terrible accident. He was killed immediately.
All these thoughts race through my mind. I miss him, I miss his notes, I miss having someone being so uplifting in my life. I want to have daily notes today. I ask God to be my “love note provider” each day. Some days I get those notes and some days I am much too busy to notice them.
I realize that I too can give notes of sunshine to others. I can be an encouragement to someone on their way. He had called me his sunshine. Maybe my light does still shine.
Let me be your sunshine today! I pray that you are well and happy. I wish a day of peace and laughter upon you. If I was there I would give you a bit hug. You are so wonderful. You are a one of a kind. God really did a great job when he made you. I am so lucky to have you as my friend.
Have a super day!
P.S. Could you do me a favor today and go leave a little note on someone’s car for me. Then write me and tell me about it. I want a little sunshine to be spread a long way.
This is a view from my window box this morning. I have been so busy lately that I haven’t been able to keep up with life. I received that job. I am now a director of a department at a college. Wow, little ole me. It has been challenging, yet enjoyable.
I miss being able to write and talk with my friends. I feel like I am letting people down. Maybe life will be more settled and I will be able to do things I want again.
Meanwhile God has provided flowers for me where I normally plant my own. They are simple wild flowers but beautiful. They are a reminder that God cares for me and that He is taking care of things, He can pick up the slack that I can’t keep up with.
Thanks for giving me blessings.