Fear, Like Vampires, Don’t Like The SONshine

I am afraid of my baby brother. To clarify, he is 6′ 4″ and almost 30 years old. He refuses to be tested, but I believe that he has an antisocial personality disorder, with a side of pure rage. He lives at home with Mommy, who takes care of his every need. He manipulates her to get everything he wants, including a car, insurance and gas to drive around. He holds down no job. He sleeps all day and watches TV all night. I’ve been told that he will watch the same video/song over and over 100 times before he turns it to something else. He is a big bully in the house to anyone who wants to “invade” his space. He will growl and sigh heavily till you leave his presence. His sense of entitlement is incredible. He has told my brother that the house he lives in belongs to him; that when my mom dies that it will be his. He is so big and strong and angry no one can touch him or his misbeliefs.

I’ve told my mother to do something for years. She is as afraid of him as I am. So she has continued to please him. Years roll by as I watch this slow genocide. I can’t take it anymore. She says that she has to do something. She sees how this is her doing, and how she needs to practice tough love- but she can’t. I so long for her to have the good life, which she hasn’t had up to now.

Trauma met her in childhood. Her mother told her what to do and if she didn’t listen she’d threaten with the old saying, “I brought you into this world, I can take you out.” Her husband cheated on her for twenty years (she knew) and she did nothing. It got so bad that my dad was cheating on the girlfriend (while cheating on my mom) and the new victim was a few years older then me (I was in my twenties at the time). My dad threatened her with a gun, and told her that he’d burn down her house. He criticized her every move. Can I blame her for her inability to change. I guess not. But I would sure like to save her.

Vampires are evil. They love to live in the dark and prey on peoples fears. My mother has been manipulated by vampires her whole life. Fear is her ocean, ready to swallow her up. She sits still in her boat afraid to move less she falls in and drowns. If she speaks out she will be punished. My brother screamed and cussed at her the other day for just saying one wrong thing.

How can she live like this? Fear! Plain and simple. She tries to deny it and just say that she is worried about him. She doesn’t want him to go to jail, lose his license (for then he can’t go to work- not that he ever has mind you), or heaven forbid be bored all night (can’t turn off the cable TV) because of My Poor Baby.

God’s sonshine surrounds her. She sees it, and feels it at times. This is her only hope. This is how she survives. God dissolves the darkness and makes her see that she is more than her past has tried to make her. My question is can she take that sonshine and reflect it into the heart of those vampires that torment her. She knows the glory of the light. Does she trust its power too? I don’t know.

I’ve told her to lock her bedroom door. She doesn’t want to. I’ve told her to stop the freeloading. She doesn’t want to. I’ve told her to get him tested. She wants to but has to talk him sweetly into it. I say it’s been over twenty years. Past the time that it took to finally cut the ties with my dad. She has lived in enough abuse. Enough is enough! Lock your doors, cut the cable, stop buying his coffee before he kills you.

No one sees that he is just like the Newtown killer. I don’t want him to kill my family. He has such rage. He is a volcano that is brewing. Even if there is a chance that I am right, wouldn’t you take precaution? Oh but nothing will happen! Famous last words.

What can I do? Don’t know. I don’t want to push the issue and be responsible for escalating the problem if she can’t handle it. My first priority is keeping her safe. I know at least that I can pray that God lights her path, that together they can blind all the vampires. Maybe then God can melt them all away (thinking the wicked witch on the Wizard of OZ). Maybe it will take her standing up. Maybe it will never change.

I can’t live in fear! It is killing me too. I guess I have to face my own vampires as well. So I declare, “Be gone! You cannot touch me. I got someone bigger on my side and HE can beat you up!”Image


5 thoughts on “Fear, Like Vampires, Don’t Like The SONshine

  1. I am so sorry for your mom but what you are saying is so true. Vampires represent evil and that is what you are dealing with. It is her house. She can take authority over the atmosphere in her house. I had put scriptures all over my house. The main one was Joshua 24:15, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Pray over that house everyday and see what happens. Claim it for the Lord and just see what He will do. It’s a spiritual battle… read Ephesians 6:10-18. i will be praying for you all.

    • Thank you for your uplifting comments. I started this page to help others, now I feel my need more than ever. Your words mean so much to me. I feel alone and confused in my journey, yet I know I am not alone because I have you and so many other angels out there. I look forward to spending more time on your page. I feel close to God there. Thank you Meghan

  2. I started my blog a year ago to help me recover from domestic violence. I had so many feelings I had never dealt with. It has helped me connect to my real feelings. There is such freedom in writing about it. I look forward to getting to know you more sis, Diana

  3. Pray with your mom in the house when you are certain he is not coming home soon (for your safety.) It has taken me approximately 3 years to see my prayers answered on some personal issues. However, sometimes the answer comes in unexpected ways. If you are perpetually unlucky, the prayer could backfire on either one of you, so don’t choose your words carelessly/vaguely.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s