I grew up hearing a certain French statement: Je vous aime. Je vous adore. Que voulez vous encore. Not sure if I spelled everything correctly. I don’t know French, even though I spent a glorious summer in France. I didn’t even know what this statement really meant growing up, till I got married. Oh, I knew what the words meant: I love you. I adore you. What more do you want? But those words in English were about as foreign to me as the original French.
Growing up I was a co-dependent in training. I learned that keeping the peace was important, helping others be happy was imperative, and putting other’s needs above your own was just how things were done. I learned to love by doing; I listened, I helped, I hugged, I smiled, I worked hard, I paid attention to other’s needs. By being there for others, I myself became happy. I found my worth in my work, and my importance in how much I was needed.
All grown up now and on to my own family, I do the same. I cook, I clean, I do the bills and the wash and the trash and pick up the toys and clean the dishes and the floor. I put away the clothes and cook the meals. I am a frazzled Martha Stewart, who lives more like Erma Bombeck. I hug and love the boo-boos away. I am the greatest mother and wife. I am a perfect Proverbs 31 woman. I am supportive and encouraging and I bring God into my every moment. My friends tell me that they don’t know how I do it. I don’t know- The Glory of God! That is it! The only way!.
So when I get the sighs and the “You don’t do enough for me” or the “You don’t understand me” attitudes I want to scream “Que voulez vous encore!” What more can I do? How much more can I give? There isn’t enough time, or energy in one day. I am exhausted trying to please everyone. Why can I not stop?
I want to call out to God to make me be good enough in their eyes, but I stop. I know in my head that I am good enough. I don’t have to prove it to them. Why do I work so hard to try to please them? Yes, they matter to me. I love them and wish the best for them, but I need to make me first from time to time.
Je vous aime, Meghan. Je vous adore! Que voulez vous encoure?
Time for myself
More help around the house
Validation for the hard work I do
To feel loved by God
To eat healthy food
To live in an atmosphere of love and support
To publish my books
To have friends that love me
To feel like I have a purpose and make a difference in the lives of others
Is that too much to ask?