Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 13

find hope

“Hope is an excited expectation, awaiting the fulfillment of promises that are assured, unchangeable and absolute. It is not dependent on the stars, luck, chance, or timing. Instead, it is a predestined assurance that we are cherished by God and abide in the heart of the One who made us, takes care of us and longs to be our Best Friend.”

Meghan

It is my prayer today that you look up; Despite the darkness around you, look up. The stars are coming out. Hope is always there – for hope is in God; And God never leaves us, or disappoints us. May you find your hope today and hold on for dear life. It will transport you to all the abundant things that God has planned for you.

Just curious. What is your definition of hope? What brings you hope when you feel down? I would love to hear from you.

Meghan

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Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 12

kisses

Well I made it through another one of my husband’s Birthdays. I only suffered one put down, one curse word and one, “That is all you got me?” comment. (Doesn’t take into consideration buying groceries for his parents to have them make him a Birthday feast on Sunday, nor the money that we spent going out to a nice restaurant last night. Oh well.)

So I am now anticipating Valentine’s Day. I hear we are going to be snowed in again, with another foot of snow on the way. Maybe shooting for 5 feet of snow total. Most of my belonging out there are being swallowed up.

I am blessed to be warm and safe inside. I am blessed to have a mother and sister who love me. Both visited me yesterday and wished Charlie a Happy Birthday and hoped that we would have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I love them, they are so great.

Hope you are warm and safe today. I am counting you my Valentine Blessings this year. Thanks for being there.

Meghan

Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 11

kisses

Today is Charlie’s Birthday. Usually that means he is depressed. His Birthday coupled with Valentines Day is usually the worst time of year for me. Many of the last 14 years of marriage he has started a fight, or told me that he was leaving me. I don’t know what these special days do to him, but he is a mess usually. I have gotten used to it now. It still hurts, but I know that he is the miserable one, not me.

This year has been a better one, as his depression goes. He had a good Birthday and Valentines Day last year so, I am crossing my fingers hoping for a good day. He is off to work and so far, so good.

We are going out to a really nice restaurant for supper. Can’t wait for that!

Holding out for blessings today. Will let you know what happens tomorrow.

Meghan

Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 9

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My blessing right now is that my husband is sleeping and I can get on the computer to write. I had a good lunch.

The snow is still falling. It is almost as high as my front fence. Crazy. Didn’t have to work today, so I am happy.

Last night was discouraging though. Charlie broke two special things, by accident, but didn’t express any sorrow for doing so. He only said, “They shouldn’t have been put there.” He knows that they are important, but won’t say sorry, or feel bad for breaking something that is loved.

I spoke up and told him that I was hurt that he didn’t care about my feelings. He replied, “It was an accident.” He told me that I cared more about those things than if he had been hurt. I said, “The first thing I said was, are you ok? You didn’t answer me, so I asked you two more times. You answered me that you were FINE. I asked you first, before caring about my stuff.” He told me that I hadn’t done that. How did he not hear me? I said it three times and he even answered me.

The rest of the evening he ignored me and slept on the couch. This morning he is distant and still hasn’t shown any compassion. I have tried being nice to him, kissed him good night last night when I went to bed. I am not being sicky sweet though, because I am still mad that he doesn’t care. Doesn’t mean that I have to treat him badly, like he is treating me.

Why is it ok that he is mad at me, for breaking something of mine? I should be the one mad at him.

I always try to take the high road. I want to act like Jesus would have me act. And it is just stuff after all.

Thanks for listening.

Ps. Does any one know of an abuse support group near San Diego California? A friend of mine is needing one and I don’t know that area of the country. Thanks

Meghan

Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 7&8

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God loves me just the way I am! Even though I am stuck between jumping up for joy and wanting to drag my feet and complain. I feel like I am being pulled in both directions. How can I write a blessing post when I want to complain? How can I write a depressing note, when I have been blessed? I will do both, excuse the chaos:

Woke up with dogs barking and husband staring at me. He’d been up shoveling ice off our roof. (We have another leak in our ceiling. Blah!)

“Hello”, he said with a mild distain. “Hi,” I rubbed my eyes. I had been up till 11 pm with kids the night before doing a Bible Contest. Our kids came in first place. Yeah!

“Why are you frowning at me?” I asked blinking my eyes. It was so hard to wake up. The dogs jumped on top of me.

“Cause you are looking at me funny,” he responded.

“How can I be looking at you funny, when I just woke up?” I asked, confused as to how I could have done something wrong and I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I got to go shovel.” I watched him stomp away. That’s how I woke up. Blah!

I cleaned my house, I made a healthy lunch that my kids actually liked. Did three loads of laundry. Yeah!

Now I have to put a pile of clothes away. Blah!

I made popcorn and sat in front of the fireplace, drinking tea. Yeah!

I found out that the week that I previously had taken off for vacation is not the same week that my Christian camp is running this year. They had to move it up one week. This is the one thing I love to do each year and now I can’t do it. I want to cry.

I just received a package of free books today from Jane Hunt, at Hope for the Heart Ministries. She is so awesome. The words in her letter lifted me up and made me want to cry with happiness. Free books and DVD’s on helping those who are in abusive relationships. Her act of caring has spoken volumes to me.

My husband bought two steaks about two weeks ago and couldn’t find them when he put the groceries away. He pointed to me saying “What did you do with them?” I am a vegetarian, so I surely didn’t eat them. I told them that I had no clue. Well, in cleaning today, I found them. Blah! I thought that something smelled rank in the house. Charlie had walked in the front door yesterday and complained that I had left the dirty diapers laying around in the house. I hadn’t, it was his steaks rotting. Blah!

Don’t know what the next step is in my life. I want to get my kids in a Christian school a half an hour from our house, but I’d have to change jobs. I have put out five resumes and have heard back from two that there is nothing right now…that doesn’t mean that there won’t be something this fall when I need the job to start. The other three I haven’t heard from yet. Do I start handing out more resumes now, even though I can’t start a new job till the middle of June, or do I wait? I have a great job that will end in June and then restart in August if I don’t find something else. I just want to be able to take my kids to this school and can’t with my current job. I am so stressed as to what to do. Blah!

Gotta go put away clothes. To end on a positive note, both my dogs are sitting in front of the fire staring at it. It is the cutest thing.

Thanks for listening.

Meghan

Finding Kisses From Heaven

kisses

Trying hard to find my blessings today. Had a fight with my husband. The day seems dark and dreary.

I am told that I do things all wrong and that because I don’t do things the way he tells me, that he’d rather not have me help him at all. Another shoveling argument! The snow blower broke and we had to shovel the 70 foot driveway by hand. The foot and a half of snow wasn’t as bad as the wall at the bottom.

I got the broken shovel, the one with a nail that sticks out of the top, because the handle broke off of it. I shoveled the whole top portion of the driveway. Charlie did the bottom. He came up and started yelling at me. Because I didn’t start at the middle of the driveway, because I didn’t shovel from the middle out he decides that it is ok to be mean. Not acceptable!

He says that I have made triple the work for him. I shoveled the whole top portion of the driveway, how did I triple the work for him? After I left he didn’t change anything I did. So it couldn’t have been too bad.

I don’t want to make him do the whole driveway himself, but I don’t want to get reprimanded either. He is making me not want to help anymore.

My blessing is that I have a cleared driveway and that I am able to work and make money today. I guess that is enough to be thankful for today.

Meghan

Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 2

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Another snow day. I am going back to bed. I am blessed.

I watched the Super Bowl last night. Great game. It is too bad I had to watch it by myself though. I was feeling sick and didn’t have the strength to go to my in-laws to watch the game, so they all went without me.

At least I had peace and quiet. And I got to watch the Puppy Bowl without complaints.

The greatest thing about the whole game was not that the Patriots won, or that it was a close game, or that Katie gave a colorful performance- but that NO MORE gave us an excellent domestic violence commercial. It made me cry.

That commercial was donated to NO MORE, all four million dollars of it. Think about that. The NFL is committed to spreading the word. This epidemic is bigger than we all know. Congrads to the NFL for spreading the word.

I am happy. I am going back to bed, stayed up too late watching tv. Love snow days!