Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 7&8


God loves me just the way I am! Even though I am stuck between jumping up for joy and wanting to drag my feet and complain. I feel like I am being pulled in both directions. How can I write a blessing post when I want to complain? How can I write a depressing note, when I have been blessed? I will do both, excuse the chaos:

Woke up with dogs barking and husband staring at me. He’d been up shoveling ice off our roof. (We have another leak in our ceiling. Blah!)

“Hello”, he said with a mild distain. “Hi,” I rubbed my eyes. I had been up till 11 pm with kids the night before doing a Bible Contest. Our kids came in first place. Yeah!

“Why are you frowning at me?” I asked blinking my eyes. It was so hard to wake up. The dogs jumped on top of me.

“Cause you are looking at me funny,” he responded.

“How can I be looking at you funny, when I just woke up?” I asked, confused as to how I could have done something wrong and I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I got to go shovel.” I watched him stomp away. That’s how I woke up. Blah!

I cleaned my house, I made a healthy lunch that my kids actually liked. Did three loads of laundry. Yeah!

Now I have to put a pile of clothes away. Blah!

I made popcorn and sat in front of the fireplace, drinking tea. Yeah!

I found out that the week that I previously had taken off for vacation is not the same week that my Christian camp is running this year. They had to move it up one week. This is the one thing I love to do each year and now I can’t do it. I want to cry.

I just received a package of free books today from Jane Hunt, at Hope for the Heart Ministries. She is so awesome. The words in her letter lifted me up and made me want to cry with happiness. Free books and DVD’s on helping those who are in abusive relationships. Her act of caring has spoken volumes to me.

My husband bought two steaks about two weeks ago and couldn’t find them when he put the groceries away. He pointed to me saying “What did you do with them?” I am a vegetarian, so I surely didn’t eat them. I told them that I had no clue. Well, in cleaning today, I found them. Blah! I thought that something smelled rank in the house. Charlie had walked in the front door yesterday and complained that I had left the dirty diapers laying around in the house. I hadn’t, it was his steaks rotting. Blah!

Don’t know what the next step is in my life. I want to get my kids in a Christian school a half an hour from our house, but I’d have to change jobs. I have put out five resumes and have heard back from two that there is nothing right now…that doesn’t mean that there won’t be something this fall when I need the job to start. The other three I haven’t heard from yet. Do I start handing out more resumes now, even though I can’t start a new job till the middle of June, or do I wait? I have a great job that will end in June and then restart in August if I don’t find something else. I just want to be able to take my kids to this school and can’t with my current job. I am so stressed as to what to do. Blah!

Gotta go put away clothes. To end on a positive note, both my dogs are sitting in front of the fire staring at it. It is the cutest thing.

Thanks for listening.



Living With Eeyore- TV trash talk


Three feet of snow and bracing ourselves for another 12-18 inches this weekend. Crazy winter! All in a two week time period.

Charlie is pouting because no one will help him shovel. Well it is his own fault that he has been nothing but a miserable individual. No one wants to be around that.

I am feeling like I don’t want to watch TV with him anymore too, and this has been one of the fun things we’ve enjoyed in the past. (Able to let go of our fights and stresses, forget it all and cuddle on the couch, getting lost into other people’s worlds.) Well he is complaining about everything…

Blonde girl on program (she looks and acts intelligent, not the funny bimbo type) – she make a wrong decision in the program and Charlie says, “Blondes are so dumb.” Hello, I am blonde. How am I supposed to take that? If I say anything, he starts to fight. So why bother. I ignore him.

Girl on Bachelor has a panic attack. She is on the ground and they’ve called the EMTs. Charlie says, “Stupid girl. She is a freak.” Hello, I’ve had three panic attacks in front of him in the 18 years that we’ve been married. What does that say about me?

Mother killed on train track. Oh my heart goes out to those three kids at home. Charlie says, “She got what she deserved. Dumb woman, should have gotten out of the car.”

I want to scream! Women are not dumb! We are not stupid, even when we make mistakes. We are allowed to be who we are, not have to tip toe around trying not to offend someone with our presence. Why is he allowed to voice his hurtful opinions? And why do I have to sit there and take them? I don’t want to stop watching TV with him, because it is one of the only FUN things that we have left.

Maybe I am stupid because of that. (I know that I am not. Just had to say it though.)

Thanks for listening!


Living With Eeyore


My husband is Eeyore in every way. He complains for everything. This past snow storm was no exception. First, was the eye popping, veins to the top of the skin reaction to “What if we lose power? How are we going to shovel the drive? How are we going to keep warm? What about the pipes? Two to three feet snow, this is ridiculous. We’ll get three with our luck.” I was exhausted even before the storm hit.

Then we slept and woke up to beauty. My husband stomped around irritated. My poor dog always shakes when he stomps around in his boots. I calmly got breakfast and then slipped into my snow gear. Outside was magical. I started shoveling. He came out and cursed at the snowblower. It started and he began to clear the driveway, then the yard. He either doesn’t like snow, or he loves using his snowblower. Our front yard is cleared of snow now.

Charlie comes over to me to complain that I am making more work for him, the way that I am shoveling. I dusted myself off and went inside. Ah warmth. I made lunch.

He comes inside mad that I am mad at him. “I’m not mad at you.” I say. He stomps away.

“There is no food in this house.” He complains. I have stopped trying to make food for him. Over the years his complaining of what I make has stopped me. Now he just complains that there is no food. I don’t make lunches for him either. I used to and he would take them to work and not eat them. Then he would leave them in their containers for weeks to rot. I would have to go buy new containers they were so bad. I’d make lunches and he’d go out to eat, so I’ve stopped. Now he complains that he is hungry for lunch. And starved when he gets home…which leads to the, “there is nothing to eat.”

His complaints are draining and don’t get me started on his long SIGHS. That is another post.

Thanks for listening!