Prayer Needed

lift up head

I am meeting with someone who has hurt me emotionally in the past. They want to talk. I am nervous and scared.

I want to give God the opportunity to let healing flow, so I am going to go and try to keep an open mind and closed (protected) heart.

Your prayers are requested. Pray for my frazzled nerves. Pray for the conversation to go well and that I can move on.

Thank you my prayer warriors!



Finding Kisses From Heaven- February 13

find hope

“Hope is an excited expectation, awaiting the fulfillment of promises that are assured, unchangeable and absolute. It is not dependent on the stars, luck, chance, or timing. Instead, it is a predestined assurance that we are cherished by God and abide in the heart of the One who made us, takes care of us and longs to be our Best Friend.”


It is my prayer today that you look up; Despite the darkness around you, look up. The stars are coming out. Hope is always there – for hope is in God; And God never leaves us, or disappoints us. May you find your hope today and hold on for dear life. It will transport you to all the abundant things that God has planned for you.

Just curious. What is your definition of hope? What brings you hope when you feel down? I would love to hear from you.


Father’s Day: For the Abused and Fatherless ( Ten things to do for yourself)

Jesus1. If you’ve never done so before, grieve your loss. You were a helpless child, and he wasn’t there for you. You have the right to be sad, mad or bitter.

2. Make a list of all the wonderful things about YOU- your accomplishments, who you are, what you do, your talents. Now revel in the fact that you turned out OK. You are a survivor! Be proud.

3. Do something for yourself today that you wish your father had done with you. Go to a baseball game, hike or go camping, learn to fix a flat tire. Empower yourself.

4. Spend a few minutes thinking about the good memories that you did have growing up, (few as they may be). Don’t let yourself be sucked into the negative thoughts that may threaten to take those good memories away from you.

5. Do a computer search on biblical topics such as: child of God, inheritance, treasure, love and who our father is. Realize that God is trying to show you that you are a child of God and that He loves you very much.

6. Buy, or make the greatest Father’s Day card, saying just the things you’d like to say to the “perfect father” and then sign it over to God. Write Him a love letter thanking Him for being your True Father.

7. Make a list of every male in your past that has influenced you, or molded you into the person you are today. Write them a quick note, or call them, thanking them.

8. Fathers everywhere need your prayers today. Pray for them. Pray for your own. He needs it more than you know.

9. Spend time with a young boy- tumble, play, fart and get down in the dirt. Pat them on the back and tell them how proud you are of them. They are our DADS of the future.

10. If you can, forgive your father, not for his sake, but for yours. This is the greatest present you can give yourself.

Breathing With God

Breathing With God

They say that the easiest way to relaxation is to stop trying to make things different. Struggle comes from not accepting what is.

So, I need to sit back and relax right? Well, what happens when you are a fish out of water? Do you sit back and relax, just knowing that this will get you back in the water. No! This is where you need to ask, trust and wait for your help to come. And that Help most definitely will come; yet sometimes only a little bit, by little bit.

When I was in college I followed a guy who I had a crush on into a class on SCUBA diving. I thought how cool it would be to flaunt my good looks in a bathing suit for a whole hour and hopefully lure this guy into liking me. Everything was fine until we got into the deep end. As per regulations of the class you had to partner up, with one tank between two people, then go for a casual swim in the deep end. To my horror and delight this young man chose me and off we went.

For a few minutes I was fine thinking about how I was practically kissing him (since we were swappin’ spit). Then we reached the deep end and we descended into the pool. Immediately I started freaking out, wanting desperately to grab the oxygen regulator out of his mouth and just breathe all the air myself. My heart fought my brain. I didn’t care if this was a person who I was trying to impress, I wanted to breathe. “I want all the air to myself!” I wanted to scream.

I guess I was getting a bit pushy grabbing the air too much, so he came to the surface to remind me, not so kindly, that we had to share for us both to breathe. I was ashamed. We finished our lap (me still being terrified) and he quickly picked another for the next activity. Needless to say he never asked me out.

I often times feel that I cannot breathe. If I could just hog all the oxygen, maybe I would be ok. If I could control everything at my fingertips, then I wouldn’t drown.

I try to remember that God gives me everything, including the air I breathe and He is more than capable of making sure I have enough to survive. It is just so easy to panic. I find myself wondering if He will pass the regulator to me in time. Will I have enough? I am so tired of swimming and being worried. I realize that I don’t want to share with Him anymore.

Yet does God need the air? I don’t think so. He is just passing it on to me, to bless me. Why then can’t I have it all the time and swim on my own? Well, I’ve thought about that one for awhile and this is what I’ve come up with: God wants us to need Him, so that we know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves us and wants to provide for us.

He doesn’t take a second too long. You need air? Breathe. Then He holds our life (the air) in His hands and waits, longing to keep us breathing.

What about that flopping fish, does He immediately throw them back in? Yes many times, but often times like in the case of transporting whales, and dolphins they need to wait, be constantly attended to and wet down till they get back in the water where they belong.

So I guess if I am a “fish” out of water than I am a dolphin. This is not my home. I am being transported to a new and glorious place, which will be my permanent home. Till then I have to rely on the care of my God to wet me down, keep me safe and make sure I keep breathing.

Prayer is just like air.
It keeps us alive
While we strive.

Keep praying, keep breathing and know that God has your life, your purpose, your struggles, your fears and your happiness in His hands. Never forget, He loves taking care of you.

Liebster Award

liebsterpic nominated me for this award. She is an awesome person with a wonderful site. Wow, I am deeply honored to be listed along side such awe inspiring people. I started my blog because I felt imprisoned by my silence. I choose to stay in an abusive marriage, and make it work. There are good days and bad. I have leaned on God to do everything I can’t. I trust Him no matter what, yet sometimes I wish that he had arms to truly hug me. This is where I come to Word Press. The friends I have found here really understand me. They hug me with their words. It is them that should get the awards. They are the true heroes. Thank you to all of you who make me what I am. So here I go and answer the questions for the nomination:

Here are the 11 questions asked:

1.What is the best thing about you?
2.What time of day do you blog?
3.How many revisions does it take before you finally publish?
4.Who is/was the most influential person in your life
5.In one word describe yourself
6.Where do you see yourself one year from now?
7.What is your favourite social media?
8.What type of blogs do you follow?
9.What is the motivating factor for you to blog?
10.How would you describe my blog content to someone who has not read it
11.What have you learned about yourself from blogging?

Here are my answers:
1. That because my heart has been broken open, I have so much more room to love people for who they are
2. I blog whenever I can steal my computer back from my kids. They do some of their homeschooling on it.
3. I spend more time picking out a photo that goes with the blog. I love cool sayings. The blog itself is like a sister, sometimes we fight and it doesn’t go smoothly, other times it just fits.
4. My Mom, she put up with abuse, (stayed with my cheating father for over 20 years) and then abandonment. Through it all she stayed close to God. She is a tower of strength to me.
5. Compassion
6. A published author!
7. Definitely here, where else can you get ears to listen at any time of the night?
8. I follow blogs that deal with abuse, any kind of abuse, they are my people. I also am interested in people that have written a book and are trying to publish that book, like me. Also I love encouragement, so I have a couple of go to places that cheer me up.
9. I blog because I have felt imprisoned by my silence. I have chosen to stay with my abusive husband. Not many people understand the pressure I live with. Most people just tell me to get out. Yet, I have my reasons for staying, for now, and so I need a place to work through my feelings. Plus, I often feel unloved, invalidated, and unappreciated, here I can fill my empty tanks.
10. Encouraging, Empowering, and Hopeful
11.That there is never enough time in the day to keep up with everyone that I’d like to. So many special people out there.

Rules for accepting the award

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you

2. Answer the 11 questions given to you

3. Nominate 11 other blogs with less than 500 followers

4. Post 11 questions for your nominees to answer

5. Tag your nominees and post a comment on their blog to let them know you nominated them.

Here are my nominees:

This lady is uplifting others as she struggles with kids and health concerns.

This site is informative and supportive for survivors of abuse.

This is the woman that inspired me to blog. She helps others overcome their depression.

A strong lady indeed. She encourages me when I need it.

A very supportive site, giving voice to survivors of abuse.

Great place about child sexual abuse from resources to healing and understanding.

Focusing on mental health and healing.

A lady reaching for the peace that healing will bring.

A sweet woman who offers hopes of recovery for everyone.

A great site/network for survivors of abuse. Very informative.

A young amazing lady who has a story to tell.

As for the questions, I will leave them the same ’cause I like those questions!

Thank you again and please check out all those awesome people/blogs!

The Beauty of Brokenness

The Beauty of Brokenness

                                                                        by Mary Beth Berry

   Often we have heard that God makes beauty from ashes – that He uses the hard times in our lives to
mold us and purify us just like a goldsmith might heat up the gold to burn the impurities out.   Those hard
times may or may not have resulted from direct choices that we made.  However we usually want to ask
the question, “Why?”  We ask, “What should I have done differently to prevent this pain?  I thought I was
following God’s leading but I must have been mistaken.  Now how do I trust myself to be listening and
hearing God’s leading in my life?”  We seem to think that if things are going well for us, we must be in
avoiding pain and discomfort.
   God, however seems to be interested in developing our character and deep dependence on Him which
will in turn develop in us deep strength and peace that cannot be shaken.  He is interested in
transforming us into reflections of Himself and His most beautiful glory.
   Let’s consider a beautiful glass vase.  The vase represents my life.  I know that God created the vase
according to His design and His purpose.  For much of my life, I have been trying to cooperate with God
as He is making me into a beautiful vase.  A vessel filled with His Holy Spirit that can be poured out as
love to others.  I understand that I am supposed to take care of myself as His vessel and to appreciate
what God has made.  But life comes along and the vase that is my life develops a crack.  Maybe the crack
is from an internal weakness or from a direct hit from outside.  All that was held within leaks out and I try
to hide the unsightly crack.  I had wanted to be a beautiful, useful vessel for God.  Now I am useless for
holding liquids and am marred.  However, I can now be recycled as a great candle holder.  The light from
the candle of the Holy Spirit within me can be seen all the better through my “crack.”   I’m a bit
disappointed.  I wanted to be the perfect, elegant vase.  But, I guess I’ll settle for being a “cracked pot”
with God’s light shining through me.  However, more and more cracks keep coming.  As I get older, I
notice cracks that were there all the time, but I never had the eyes to see them.  This does not seem to be
fair!  I thought the idea was to become more like Jesus over time, not to become more broken and
“aged.”  Sometimes, shattered is a better word than cracked to describe the vase of my life. A glass vase
completely and totally shattered, nothing left of the original vase at all, just the colored glass or pottery in a
heap on the floor.
   Maybe this is when God does His most amazing work.  Maybe God is up to something totally different.  
Maybe instead of fixing the old broken vase, He is planning to make something more amazing and more
beautiful than we could have ever imagined.  He is not likely to force those shattered pieces from our
hand.  But if we will hand them over to Him, make the broken pieces of our lives our offering to Him,
maybe, just maybe, He will glean great joy in transforming us. Think about a beautiful mosaic or the most
beautiful stained glass window you’ve ever seen.  Awesome beauty!!  And it is all the more lovely with the
light shining through!  Maybe the broken pieces of my life will get to be part of a beautiful creation that only
God can imagine.  Can I trust Him to make the best decision of how to use my offering of shattered glass
in His creation?  Can I trust Him to value each piece and to truly understand the pain that comes with the
offering?  Can I release all the questions and bitterness about the fate of my original vase and trust Him
to transform my life into whatever He thinks is best rather than what I have envisioned for myself?  These
are really hard questions and sometimes take quite a bit of wrestling to settle.  But peace finally comes
with relinquishing the end results to the One who created us in the first place.  Maybe some of us will get
to be lovely vases that remain intact.  But others, who have been shattered, might look forward to being
transformed into stained glass, a part of an amazing work that God is doing.  
   Might it also be possible that the work God is planning to do with us and in us is more important than
our avoidance of pain?   We will not get to experience the joy of cooperating with Him if we blame Him,
resist Him, and fight against Him.  I do not personally believe God inflicts pain on us (or throws the vase
to shatter it) but I do believe that He is powerful enough to prevent it.  When He chooses not to prevent it, it
must be that He has a better plan, a plan for transformation.  Remember when the children in The Lion.
Witch and Wardrobe, were asking about the great king Aslan,  “Is He safe?,” they asked.  “No.” was the
response, “But, He is good.”
   So, could it possibly be that when we think we are “in God’s will” and trying with our hearts to honor and
depend on Him, we might still make some decisions that lead to disaster and STILL be in His will? I
think so. Is the depth of our faith measured by the “blessings” in our life or by the lack of pain?  I don’t
think so.  Surely our faith can be strengthened by difficult times but I believe that difficult times can and will
come to those who already have a strong faith.  The blessings that God has in mind for His children that
trust Him through glass shattering times promise to be better than the benefits of having avoided the
glass shattering in the first place.  This is hard to believe in the midst of trouble, but gives me hope when
I get completely beyond repair and feel like shattered glass.
   Our God can be trusted, even when He has allowed life to shattered us, even when we have nothing to
offer but shattered pieces of broken glass.  He is the great transformer. He may chose to use the pieces
of our lives to create the most awesome stained glass window- something beyond my wildest